Learn How To Identify The Signs Of Emotional Infidelity
John K. NJ says: "I'm struggling to cope with a major issue around infidelity. You see my wife met a guy recently at chamber of commerce dinner, and now she calls him all the time for 'advice' and even though they seem to just be friends, her whole tone, body language and intensity suggests that she feels something more for this guy. Is she being unfaithful to me in her head? How do I handle this
John raised a pretty tough question here because what you seem to be experiencing with your wife is a case of 'emotional infidelity' or 'emotional cheating and emotional betrayal can be just as destructive as any other kind.
Let's step back and consider the story of Sue and Tom. Sue is an executive assistant to a well |known local businessman. Her job is pretty stressful and involves dealing with difficult personalities and office politics all day. Her boss is demanding and not always fair. She likes her job but there are some days she just wants to throw in the towel. Her husband though very supportive is a successful plumber, and a guy used to working with his hands and just getting the job done. People and politics bore him to tears. When he gets home, he just wants to shower, eat and relax in front of a good game or movie.
When Sue first saw Tom it was just a glance. Two people catching the others eye for a split second at a local chamber of commerce social function. But that split second glance unlocked a wave of emotion in both of them. For Sue, it might have been sudden catch of her breath, a flutter in her chest and the irresistible temptation to seek out those magnetic eyes again. For Tom the reaction might have been more immediately exciting. She was simply stunning, with those large dark eyes framed by wavy hair. Maybe he felt a surge of some emotion he really couldn't define. Now Sue and Tom were both married or in committed relationships with other people and cheating, either emotionally or physically was something far from their minds. After all, both were ethical people who'd never consider cheating on their partners, and couldn't imagine that you could be having an emotional affair with someone just because you caught each others eyes at for a moment.
Regardless the stage was set for an emotional affair. The moment they made their way across the room to the same spot at the bar, the emotional cheating had already begun and even though they might never consummate the 'affair' physically, they were already exhibiting some clear signs of emotional infidelity. Fast track a couple of months ahead, and Sue and Tom have formed a close bond, were sharing all kinds of stories about life, relationships and personal challenges. Tom picked up the slack that Sue's husband left and listened intently to her complaints about office politics and personalities, and gave her the shoulder and attention she needed. There was undeniable chemistry between them, and Sue found herself thinking about him more and more. And that's when John wrote to me. If Sue's husband John, whose letter we started this page with, hadn't intervened at that point, Sue admits she believes her emotional infidelity would have become a full blown affair.
As it was, she and John are today much more in tune than they have ever been, though John admits that he can't shake off a sense of dread that it may happen again. But how do you recognize the signs of emotional cheating?
As you know, my style of life coaching is pretty real and down to earth. I'm no psychiatrist and have no certificates on my walls, but my streetwise education has given me tremendous insight into human nature. You don't come through the streets without having seen just about every form of human interplay there is. Including the many different types of emotional infidelity. It takes some people a long time to develop the degree of self awareness required understand that they are indeed having an emotional affair. And some folks never will continuing to deny the reality till they're blue in the face.
So here are some streetwise clues on how to identify whether your relationship with someone else constitutes emotional cheating. Consider this an Emotional Cheater early warning system!
- Secrecy and covering up actions.
-Sexual chemistry and consistent flirting
- Sexual intimacy, even if it's just using sexy words and there's no skin or bodily contact involved!
- Self justification working hard to rationalize to yourself why this is all OK
- Sharing tales out of school - talking about stuff with your 'emotional lover' that is personal to you and your partner
- Guilt awareness, even if you've pushed it to the back of your mind that you are doing something that is betraying your partners trust.
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How to Get Your Man Back
If you want to win your man back, you have to make him want you, and you have to know how to handle him. Here are some tips:
Take time to make yourself look good. You don't have to look like a model, however, if you take care of your appearance - it can help you feel like one. Try a new makeup or a new hairstyle - change your look. All this might sound superficial but it is important, and ,in fact, the easiest thing to do if you are trying to win back your man.
Don't make it seem like you want your man back, so start being less available. If you show your desperation, you will only make your situation worse. Be an independent person. You are fully responsible for your own happiness. When you learn how not to depend on another person to experience happiness in your life - you will soon see that your man is the one who will be trying to get you back.
Give your man the care and understanding he deserves. Make sure you understand and realize what it is that your man wants from the relationship. Be confident and romantic at the same time, treat your man like you just met him, and do the things you used to do when you fell in love. Making the time just for you two is the most important thing you need to do to keep your relationship alive. Whether it’s once a week, or once a month - find the time to be alone and to reconnect with each other.
So, what do you do when you win your man back? It is important that you don’t rush to say "I love you". Make sure that these words mean something to both of you. Make sure you trust and respect your man, have meaningful conversations with him and try to connect on a deeper level. Psychological and emotional intimacy is very important.
GetYourExBack.info offers advice on how to get your ex partner back.
5 Easy Tips To Create Your Ideal Lifestyle
There’s Something Fishy About Life! Want To Know How To Choose Your Pond?
The pond of life? Hmmm.
There we were, young fry, swimming in the calm waters of life. In the middle of the school, we felt safe. As we grew, we were pushed outside where we were tempted until many of us swallowed hook, line, and sinker. Since then we’ve been fighting, jostling, and beating our heads against the rocks, trying to spit out the attachments so we can swim freely.
No, this is not a fishing story, although it appears that many of us have been suckers. We’ve been bamboozled by our misinterpretation of the purpose of life.
Many of us went through our early years, searching for, and becoming married to a job or business. Over time, we unconsciously allowed this vocation to dictate our lives. We chose to live close to our work, not necessarily where we wanted to live. We fit our lifestyle to the timeframe and demands of our profession, not necessarily how we wanted to live. We accepted this as a way to pay for our needs and for those “doodads” we thought would make us happy.
We put up with this, because we saw a light, way off in the distance. If we could “just get by” or “do our time” for the next 30, 40, or 50 years, then we’d be able to retire and have the lifestyle we really want.
I was stuck in this “fish fight for future freedom” for much of my life. I believed if I could get my financial and material pond together, then I’d have an easy time creating harmony, happiness, and my ideal life – sometime.
It was backwards stinkin’-thinkin’ and led to lots of backache, headache, and heartache.
I believe we need to identify and focus on our ideal lifestyle according to our passions, and a profession that fits that lifestyle will reveal itself.
The biggest problem with this ideology is that most people aren’t consciously aware of how they want to live. The ideal “how” is an understanding of internal purpose and passion. It is an understanding of how we can serve others
in a way that allows us to feel hopeful, joyful and worthful (spell-check doesn’t like that word but I do).
This “how” is much different than “what” we want. There is nothing wrong with having fine houses, cars, clothes, and food. There is an abundance of those things in our world and we can choose to access these when our purpose is to serve others in a way that gives immense value to humanity, rather than working hard to acquire things. It may be the same result but a very significant difference in our approach – giving vs. getting.
What is your purpose in life? How can you create your “ideal lifestyle”?
My challenge for you, if you choose to accept it, is to go somewhere quiet and alone, and think deeply about the following questions. Record your thoughts on a piece of paper. Don’t worry about punctuation, order, right or wrong – just write what you think and feel.
1. What are your greatest interests? What do you like/love to read, learn, and talk about? These interests may house your greatest passions.
2. What have been your greatest lessons in life? Look beyond your formal education and career experiences. Reflect deeply on your most memorable experiences, beyond your judgements of positive or negative. What valuable, life-changing insights did you discover and how can they help others?
3. What qualities of life do you intend to model for others. If you have children (or if you had children), who do you want them to be and how do you want them to live? They grow up to be very much like their parents and other influential people in their lives.
4. Reflect on your thoughts and notes and look for patterns and insights. Notice your feelings and sensations in your guts. What gets you jazzed and excited? What would you do everyday for free, if money were not a consideration?
5. How and where could you live that would allow you to give value to humanity by sharing these passions – to live an ideal lifestyle?
You may have fears and obstacles to creating this ideal lifestyle. Avoid thinking about them because you get what you focus on. Instead, focus your thoughts on your passion and your desire to serve. As you focus on this, you will attract to you exactly what you need to create your ideal lifestyle. Be willing to accept your results.
It is in alignment with a natural law that works every single time: As you sow, so shall you reap.
It works for me and I know it works for you. Your current relationships and lifestyle (personally and professionally) are exactly what you have created by the seeds you sowed.
The past is past and the future isn’t here yet. All we have is now. I have learned that loving, forgiving, and creating joy and abundance now is a much better use of my time than struggling to “get by”. As I give congruently with my passion, I have fewer needs for material stuff. I am happy about who I am rather than because of what I have.
Sow good seeds (thoughts of your ideal) and nurture them (focused action). Your harvest will be joy, happiness, and abundance.
Swim with the sharks? I’ll joyfully scratch their dorsals and I’m sure they will scratch mine. Are you coming along?
Copyright© 2007
Dan Ohler is Thinkin’ Outside The Barn!
Dan writes and speaks internationally on relationships, happiness, and change. Through Dan’s insights & humour you learn to apply the basics of human psychology – the natural laws that create life-long flourishing relationships, and abounding success.
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